Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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