'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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