I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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