Barsexuality is the new black.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
