I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
