I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize