i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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