Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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