I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
