I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
