So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
