thus making me awesome and them whores
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would fuck him just for his dog
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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