Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
