A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
