I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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