Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
