so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Randomize
