I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
