I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
