You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
