And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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