i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
