capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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