Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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