Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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