Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
