i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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