Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
