She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
