this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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