I could make wine with my vomit
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
