morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
