okay pat passed out under dana's car
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
