Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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