my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
