Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
