tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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