And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
