I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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