He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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