literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
