I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
