Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
