..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You ate ashes out of my bong
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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