I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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