It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
