Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
