I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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