She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
