I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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