there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
