I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Don't make out with my wife yet
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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