Im at strip club and am horny
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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